’Twas the night before Towel Day. I gazed at the sky.
The Vogons were coming. I started to cry.
I knew why they’d come here ’cause I’d read the Guide.
I reached for my towel. There was nowhere to hide.
Huge yellow ships hovered high in the air
In the way that bricks don’t. ‘This just isn’t fair!’
I raced through stop signs and lights that glowed red.
My goal was only two minutes ahead.
I got to my office block, went to the top,
And there on the roof, I came to a stop.
Above me the largest ship stood quietly poised
Demolition beams ready, and then, there was noise.
Now everyone knows that Vogons are dim.
They’re tasteless and vulgar and really quite grim,
Officious and mean, bureaucratically driven,
But they do follow orders in triplicate given.
I waved my towel for all I was worth.
“Constructor Fleet Leader, I speak for the Earth.”
“So speak, little man. Grovel and plead,
But resistance is useless, I will not pay heed.”
“We do not resist,” I said in reply.
“Your orders say kill us. We’re eager to die.
But wasting of effort to us is abhorrent,
As it is to you, or so I should warrant.
Now, to a Vogon, this just might make sense.
Authority rules them. They’re otherwise dense.
They think everything that exists needs a leader.
If the leader is gone, there’s nothing else either.
They’re brighter, I knew, than the beasties of Traal
But not much, I hoped. I could no longer stall.
I pulled forth my towel, and grandly I said,
“Now, I am gone!” It went over my head.
I dared not peek from under my towel
Hung over my head as a concealing cowl.
Forty-two seconds passed. I drew a breath,
Proving my fate was not instant death.
The Vogon Commander spoke not a word,
But the whine of ship engines was clearly heard.
Then I heard him complain as his ships disappeared,
“I suppose that makes sense, but it all seems quite weird.”
(Towel day is observed every year on May 25th to celebrate the life and work of Douglas Adams, and especially his book The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Fans around the world are encouraged to carry a towel with them on this day in his honor. The first Towel Day was held in 2001, two weeks after Adams’ death on May 11. )
- In Recognition of Towel Day (2012)
- Book Review – The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
- Book Review – The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
- Book Review – Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency
- Some Thoughts on The Salmon of Doubt by Douglas Adams
Other Things You May Enjoy:
- Towel Day on Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/Douglas42towels
- The Warden Threat by D.L. Morrese You can get the digital edition of this novel FREE from Barnes and Noble, Apple, Sony, Smashwords, Kobo, and Diesel.
- Fuzzy Android Recommends (Other humorous fiction by Indie writers)
- Book Review – Shada
- Discworld (My take on Terry Pratchett’s Humorous Fantasy Series)
- Rereading Pratchett – Gaspode
- Book Review – Mort by Terry Pratchett
- Book Review – Snuff by Terry Pratchett